My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
