mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
