it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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