Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
