Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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