you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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