yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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