maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
