ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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