is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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