I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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