we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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