did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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