just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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