I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
