With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
