He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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