I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
