What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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