STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
