I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
