two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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