happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
