I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
