A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
