I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
