walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
