My cat gives me a boner
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
