Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
