I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
