dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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