Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how does that bad decision feel?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
