It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
