Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize