what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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