I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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