so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
