At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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