Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
