someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
