Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
