party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are the jesus of drinking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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