Pregnant stripper...not hot.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
