I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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