someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
