I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
