i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
