i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
