who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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