Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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