that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
