Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
