"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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