So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
