There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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