Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
