No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
