i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
