what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
