I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
