Someone shit on the floor
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
