I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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