Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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