I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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