just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
