My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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