i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
