Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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