we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
