I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize