wanna go halves on a baby?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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