so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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