That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
