Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I understand Curling. That high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
