I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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