apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
