xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
