Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
