my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
